the king was born...

and so another Christmas goes by... it had all the usual family get together and prayer times. let me rewind to the eve of Christmas...
the hexagon met at the beach at bout 9 with much enthusiasm and hugs to spare!! it was a grand reunion as we plopped ourselves on a straw mat on the sand. breakfast was served with waffles, milk rice, juice and tea and even some cookies baked by Shannon love :)
we played uno and had a good time gossiping and bugging and giggling throughout! he three guys were quite at ease as well... they have had enough of experience with us girl i imagine to know what to expect..he he
then we separated and i went shopping with my baby and later onto ms. Vs. she is our guide in some ways when it comes to issues we cannot speak to our parents or when we need to someone to listen.
it was nice to have him with me for sometime... him being there makes me feel so special and loved :)

Christmas was ok...went to my grand parents (mother's side) and spent the day there. not that special or fun as the cousins who came are married!

26th we went to my dads side get together. surprisingly that was fun. there are 30 immediate relations there!! what a crowd!! they sing and dance and act! a bit raw and rough but still all done in good fun.

and so Christmas passed... n i am left with 5days before i have to take my leave from home again :(
how i wish time could stand still!

coming onto the eve of christmas...

The day before Christmas eve and i still cannot feel the Christmas excitement that usually comes with this time. i think i have been to melancholy and getting myself worked up over trivial things and have forgotten the main aspect of this holiday.

i couldn't eat yesterday cos i was in a row with someone and couldn't help not being enthusiastic when my dad took us out for dinner. i felt so bad. he had told my mom to pick a place where i would like to eat. my dad is the greatest!
well i am better now as it is a bit settled and i am looking forward to tomorrow where the entire hexagon and their loved ones ;) are meeting up for a picnic at the beach!! cannot wait!! gonna be so much fun!! yay!!

i went today for dinner with my parents again and this time it was just me and them without my sisters (we dropped them at different venues for other things). how i love to watch my parents! after 27 years of marriage they still are so much in love it's so wonderful!! little things where my dads hand got my moms while he is driving and he can spare it, how my mom tilts her head onto his shoulder, how they sometimes fight over things cos they want whats best for each other (that usually happens with my dad scolding us saying we dont help ma n then scolding her that she has spoiled us!).
i really do hope that the man i end marrying will love me as much as my dad loves my mom! that really is all i need to ask for...then everything will fall into place...

blue christmas...

time flies when your having fun they say...how true...
the countdown for my return back to Singapore has started and although it is my last semester i cannot look at it in a positive way....
the new developments are hanging over me like a weight...and i cannot seem to get it away before it collapses me...
i feel so melancholy and abandoned... i have not had a chance to spend some proper time with my baby after the first week i was here and that makes my heart sink...
i know one must enjoy the time one has and not dwell on such thoughts as i do... but when you cannot spend that time the way you do want it to well you cant help but be reminded of the ticking clock that keeps you that pulls you away from the strands of refuge...

even Christmas has not made an impression on my family this time due to the issues arising with these happenings...
i feel like i am drowning in my own tears as i write this... all i need is a shoulder to cry on and comforting arms to hold me... and sadly these are not available at the moment... :(

Sisterhood of the travelling pants and the Hexagon! :)

Friends are one of the most important things in life! specially your girl friends who are there through thick and thin! The ladies who are only second to your family!! even though we are now separated most of the time with the paths we have taken the fact that we still make time for each other and take an effort to meet...that is what will always keep the sisterhood of the Hexagon alive!! mwaaaaaahs and cheers sweethearts!!

p.s: 2 people are missing in the pic.. so its 6 entirely..hence the name 'Hexagon'

choir....
Soundarie came back with a rehearsal of 5 hours! ha ha!! but her presence suddenly made me realise the reason i bear coming to choir...she played the piano and we all came to life with a new lease and zest and companionship that (i felt) had been disintegrating... i will always feel a bit detached from this group...maybe it is because i have missed a lot while i have been away and have never travelled with them to any of the places they have gone to.. (this is because of bad timing and me being away :( ) but all in all singing is something i have always enjoyed so i hope that a day like yesterday where i felt like being a part of it again will remain...

Choir frustrations!

have you ever been surrounded by tons of people and yet felt lonely? out of place? just plain odd?
i feel like that when i go for my choir practices. these girls are a mixture of ages, careers, personalities and social backgrounds. we are brought together by a tie of blood through school and the love for music.
however i find that it has become a group of selfish, proud, arrogant and head strong bunch (myself included) due to the praises and awards that they have been blessed to gain. as individuals most of them are lovely people who really are in a class of their own but as soon as they are a part of this group....well... things change and so do people.

there was a time when i felt honoured and humbled to be among this crowd and do what we did with praise to God. now i find myself frustrated and irritated every time i go for practices.
as i said we are a mixture of girls. some are bankers, journalists, university students majoring in architecture, arts, technology, management, dance (which is me!) ad even radio personalities. just like this diversity in what we specialise, it obviously is also so in our singing capabilities. some have strong voices others soft. some have a wonderful sense of pitch while others are so-so. some have tons of confidence and others will want to hide behind someone or prefer not to be heard (like me). we can all sing, but our capabilities and vary.
so when working in a group are we not supposed to give and take and help each other out? shouldn't those with powerful voices, wonderful pitch and oozing confidence be in the thicket of those who are not so and be the pillar? or are they supposed to group themselves into one group and leave those timid and helpless choristers flailing in deep waters? why cant those who are capable to hold the fortress by themselves split up to help hold the others? why do they have to be in the high tower alone?
instead of giving support they take away the bit of confidence these girls have in them. they take away their want to be a part of this group. they are the lords and ladies and sometimes their heads are too high to see whats happening...and when what they want is not accomplished, 'off with the heads' with criticisms and rolling of eyes and sharpness of tongue. what a nightmare! i m so glad that at least i will be able to leave soon... or that too would have caused a scandal! there is no bondage of any kind except the unwritten one which keeps you tied tighter than any other legal one. but some issues just cannot help but sever this bond...like us migrating! :)...but this kind of separation, as it is unavoidable, can be done peacefully and with even good wishes of luck...

negative musings...falling down...down...down...

A rainy, cold and gloomy day!
plans of going to watch and hear carols sung seem to go out the window.
my close pal is warded because she had a stone in her kidney! gosh!! a 20yr old with a stone in her kidney! what is this world coming to!
i suppose the weather is to blame for me being in a gloomy mood. i am seeing all the negative aspects of life right now...and it is not healthy!!

getting a chance to go to...or more specifically migrate to the states is what many people want these days... my family however were never like that. my parents and i like the simple life we lead here in our mother land. my sisters are not that quiet and long for adventure.
i am experiencing a taste of adventure in Singapore where i am supposing to be doing something i love. well i know studying abroad is NOT what it is all hyped to be...at least for a person like me.
i love my family and blossom when i am surrounded by people i love. living alone there is not my ideal place of growth. i am not a party person and prefer a good book or a quiet stroll to going around and spending time supposedly to have fun. for a person like that Singapore holds nothing much and i find in claustrophobic!
long distance relationships are not that great either although i must say my baby has been the best! he is so understanding about these things that it hurts me more as i am the reason we are apart.
i was looking forward to the end of it and now... sigh...
looks like i might go to America as soon as i am done in Singapore!

everyone says how great it is! how it is such a great chance...well right now my heart is sinking at the prospect...
it anyway wont be the entire family. my elder sister is not eligible as she is over 21. this means my dad will have to stay back and then i know my mom cant stay away for long either...
so again i am stuck away at another land away from those i love... at least i have my younger sister. i am glad at least she doesn't have to go alone.
we cannot come often as i used to as the tickets are so expensive! so the distance becomes wider and longer...

i feel like i am falling into a pit... dark and cold as the rain outside my window...

A great day!! :)

then there are those days that are just nice! today was such a day!! nothing extravagant...just lunch and some hours watching television and chatting with some friends and my baby!!
how can one person make you feel so content? just his presence and knowing he is close makes me lighter and brighter!
yes there more than our share of fights and misunderstandings and such... but days like today are worth all that!!
hehe..basically i have fallen real hard and got it real bad! the smell, the touch, the voice...but most importantly the look! well i am a sucker for it...
he makes all things seem ok...i forget all my aching and soreness when i hear his voice over the line...
of course there are times when i just want to get my hands on his neck...but...hehe...well we get past those... :)
so glad I'm back so that it is not only the voice but the whole package!!

Intro and vacation...

So here goes... I am not a philosophical or logical in any great extreme, but a mere girl who is stepping into the light of the world. I must say it is blinding and not what i expected, but this kind of random rabble (I'm hoping) will make me see it with some shades on. At the moment i am on vacation from being a full time dance student and living on my own. coming back to where my heart is is what i have been longing for the entire semester through. The time, however is slipping through my fingers like water making me cling on harder to the remaining droplets.
but time and life surpasses us all... so what is the use in trying to outrun them or make them linger? enjoying the given time with my loved ones and stretching the time as much as i can is all one can and must do.

then what am i doing sitting here and writing a blog?! well...i may have come down for a vacation but the others have not. They are still busy with deadlines and schedules that getting their time is like trying to hail a speeding taxi!! not impossible but not that probable either...
i cannot complain though as i am truly blessed. my 'daddykins' picked from the airport with a boyish grin on his face and a cap on his (almost bald) head, my mom and baby sister were at the gate as soon as they heard the horn of the car and my comrades were sports as they arranged a meeting the evening i landed! 'we cannot abandon traditions' is what they said. and to top it all i was able to see my someone special that same day and with 101 reason as to why...
so i ask you, who am i to complain?

well...i suppose i kind of (self flattering here) deserve some pampering! i study in an island where everything is too mechanical and almost no humanity. living in an open hostel where i share a room with 4 girls with no privacy of any kind is not that great either. day to day living where i have to worry about food (i eat to live but i am picky as to what i eat) and laundry and bills etc...its quite a hassle. then of course there is the reason i am there. Lasalle College of the Arts. A dance degree which (as all dance degrees i suppose) leaves me wondering where the love for the art has gone, for (most of the time) i find myself working on discipline and commitment alone.

there are times when the passion sparkles and i lose myself in the art, oblivious to all around me. then there are times where i feel like stomping out of the studio or just collapsing and giving up. it is a never ending struggle that keeps at me...but after an year and a half and 3 semesters later i find myself at almost at the end of that run and find myself still wondering which part of me will stand up proud and tall... for my part i hope its the passion...