blank...

depression is a killer. it makes you think suicidal thoughts. emptiness envelops you life a think fog and you cannot see past it. the body grows weaker the mind dims in clarity. you rationalise that your death would be better for everyone not just yourself. true it is for your own escape, to get away from all this meaningless pandemonium.
there are so many ways... poison you think? no there is a great risk you may not die. cutting the wrists? no too messy. hanging? not practical. and then you come to two conclusions: either drowning in the sea or jumping in front of a train would be the best bet. somehow drowning seems the best of the two as you dont even know how to float.
you like the way plath did it.. very efficient. but you dont know how to die from breathing gas without anyone knowing. woolf did it right. but there is no quiet river or lake close by. the sea is just beckoning to you and imagine a beautiful sunset as you walk towards it. what an ideal place to let everything to go to the horizon beyond.
if people see your life there seems to be no reason that can be comprehended for your feelings death. but thats cos no one ever truly knew you. you have hidden yourself so well that no one can penetrate that inner chamber where your heart truly dwells. thus you are always isolated no matter what you may do on the outside.
with each passing day your body grown weaker and you are afraid of yourself knowing that your own doom is near and it will be one of your own doing.